SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH-- After just about a month into courtroom hearings, the Mark Hacking murder trial jury made a hasty decision here on Monday. A visibly tired, frustrated and growing impatient jury voted unanimously to convict Mark Hacking for life in prison for the murder of his wife Lori Hacking. The decision was based not only on partially true evidence, but mostly on him having the last name Hacking as well.
As you may have known already, Lori Hacking, an assistant stockbroker, has not been seen since late July 18. Mark Hacking reported her missing the following day, telling family, friends and police that she failed to return from a morning jog at a park near downtown.
"Man, this trial was getting so boring and redundant," said Kevin DeSoto, a jury member. "We the jury finally all agreed that since his last name was Hacking he had to of done it." "I mean it's been proven he's mentally unstable, and on top of that bearing the Hacking name and all." "This guy had to of done it." "Everytime I look at that animal I just see him hacking someone up," said another jury member.
Gil Athay, Hacking's attorney, made plans known that he will try to appeal this decision just as soon as laws allow it possible. "This is an outcry to modern court hearings, you can't just say my client is guilty because of his last name," shouted Athay at the jury. Moments later a visible distraught, Mark was escorted away in shackles.
Then after Mark had long left the courtroom, Judge William W. Barrett, began to crackup and made a statement. "I have to admit I already knew he was guilty when this case came across my desk and I read that his name was Hacking," laughed the judge. "Then, I hear of him faking that he was in med school and other stupid lies like that." "In my twenty years as a judge that's enough to seal the case for me," he added.
Then, in a shocking twist of events thereafter, Hacking broke loose from armored guards and stole one of their weapons. He then pointed it at his own head and said he did not do it, but he could lead authorities to the body. However, Hacking did not lead authorities to the landfill where many believed is her whereabouts. He led them back to his very own apartment where authorities had combed for weeks on end and haven't found a trace of her body. The search ended with no body being found and with Mark looking like a bigger moron than he already is.