WASHINGTON, DC - Capitol Hill insiders report that Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL) will get a B-1B Stealth Bomber for personal use, in exchange for his vote in support of Obama's Health Bill. Senator Durbin is very excited, and was overheard saying "with a custom modified laser guided bomb system, I could drop a 20,000 pound garbage truck with fins from 35,000 feet and hit a penny on the sidewalk."
Republicans expressed concern over deals becoming a shameless display of gluttonous power-lust and arrogant vanity. Democrats countered, saying "the GOP did the exact same thing when they had absolute power." Congressman Joe Wilson (R-SC) specifically responded with "BULLSHIT - Republicans have never given half-a-billion-dollar military aircraft to fellow party members just to get votes." He then asked about the Democrats' promise to end pork-barrel spending, partisan politics, and deal-making to special interests who funded their election campaigns.
Democrats responded to Senator Wilson with a sternly worded statement saying that his use of the word "bullshit" was completely inappropriate and would result in reprimand. After the statement, Democrats broke into laughter and began exchanging "high-fives."
Nearly all of the Senators in the Democrats' party were congratulating Durbin. The exception being Mary Landrieu, who was on the verge of tears. "I am not a cheap, back-woods tramp - you know Louisiana deserves at least $400 million and a Marine Amphibious Assault ship for my vote" was her often repeated whine.
Rumor has it that Senator Durbin plans to "drop a few garbage trucks" in Republican living rooms and kitchens. Many of the GOP members of Congress are nervous about this recent development, especially after Eric Holder pointed out "the Constitution doesn't prohibit dropping garbage trucks from 35,000 feet." Later, Harry Reid suggested that "a lot of jobs could be created if GM began building hundreds of garbage trucks."
James Carville, a Democratic strategist, wrote "this is exactly the kind of health care change that Americans need - a Democrat in Congress with his own strategic bomber, and a US Attorney General who will ensure that criminal cases and charges of corruption never trouble Democrats again, regardless of blatant misappropriation of funds, cronyism, and incriminating video or voice recordings."