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Monday, 21 December 2009

image for Coast Guard Looses Track of Wood's Yacht 'Privacy" as It Enters Bermuda Triangle In Desparate Attempt to Escape Divorce Lawyer!
A Blacked out "Privacy" Sneaks Out of Miami with Tiger: Later Goes Missing!

The United States Coast Guard station located in Key West, professed bafflement today after they lost track of Tiger Woods' 155' private yacht as it fled media attention in Miami and headed toward the Bahamas, and directly into the Bermuda Triangle.

The custom Christensen Yacht, with up to date navigational tracking devices, supplemental power boats, helicopter pad, a ball washer in the sumptuous spa like master bathroom, and enough mattresses to sleep the entire Sorprano family under siege , apparently has disappeared.

Marina officials said the yacht, Woods, the crew of 25 women, including the captain, and some of Wood's closest confidants sailed at midnight with the outgoing tide, with a filed plan to a private island somewhere off the Bahamas, and in a direct line for Bermuda.

The dock master, Marlon 'Spike' Piscateri, said provisions including food, beverages and a refrigerated package from a Mexican Pharmacy all arrived by late in the afternoon and were hustled aboard. The ship topped off it's 12,000 gallon fuel tanks, giving it a range of 4,000 nautical miles, and idled at the dock until nightfall when a blacked out fleet of limos deposited 26 more guests, all hidden from view by Burqa like outfits to make identification impossible.

According to Spike, no one boarding the ship spoke Swedish, but several of what he described as 'female' voices sounded like they had a Jersey Shore accent. "They also walked funny, " he said, "their asses kind of stuck out and bounced around a lot...I don't think it was a fishing charter!"

Informed sources in Miami said it sounded like Woods was headed off shore to at least the 200 mile limit to avoid being served with divorce papers from estranged wife Elin, who is said to be going for what's left of his' balls 'in what could be the most expense divorce case in history, pushing past the $100m Michael Jordan paid his first wife.

Spike said he couldn't determine whether Jordan was one of those aboard, but did notice that Tiger was wearing a Nike jersey which was embroidered with the new action logo: JUST LIKE MIKE!

It remains to be seen if and when Woods and "Privacy" will reappear since the Triangle has taken over 2000 vessels and 75 aircraft without leaving a trace.

Of course, it could just be a case of Tiger wanting to 'get off' with a few friends outside of the public eye.

Tiger Woods, the World's Most Insatiable Man....Sunk?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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