Written by ej moore
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Topics: Money, History

Thursday, 9 September 2004

image for Ken Jennings reveals Jeopardy! winning strategy
Ken Jennings to keep winnings

As rumors continue that Ken Jennings has lost his 75th Jeopardy! competition, he has decided to reveal his winning strategy...and the reason his record-breaking stance as the largest money winner in Jeopardy! history has ended.

"It's really simple," Jennings told reporters during a special press conference at the Jeopardy! studios. "A microchip inserted next to my ear last year for Mormon genealogy identification purposes somehow malfunctioned, and it opened a direct WiFi connection to the Google search engine."

Ken Jennings explained that due to this bizarre configuration of technology, physiology and computability, all he had to do was hear a question and Google did the rest. He explained that -taking only microseconds- the Google search engine results on Jeopardy! answers were audibly transmitted back to him, securing his money-making win. Not aware at first that this was the reason for his brainiac performance, Jennings related that he had been convinced he was hearing the voice of God.

"I believed God was helping me win the $2.5 million," he said. "But on that 75th show, the voice told me 'Page Not Found.' That's when I began to suspect something was amiss."

However, it was basic technology that proved both Ken Jennings' friend and his foe when Prudence Whitherstone, the contestant who finally ended Jennings' championship streak, began receiving the Google results through her hearing aid.

"If they had placed me on the opposite end of contestants row, I might have never gotten the Google boost," said Whitherstone, "but I was standing next to Ken and the signal somehow crossed over to me. Sadly, it disappeared soon after."

Jeopardy! officials stated that Jennings will not be required to return any of his winnings, and that Whitherstone may also keep the money she won while defeating him.

"How can we punish Ken Jennings for this technological mishap?" said Jeopardy! host, Alex Trebek. "He didn't do it willfully, he thought God was helping him, but we will be requiring CAT scans of all future contestants to assure that this anomaly isn't repeated."

In a related story, Las Vegas wagering on Ken Jennings' winning streak took a downturn when the rumor surfaced, and a plan for Salt Lake City, Utah, to erect a monument to Morman intellectualism has been postponed indefinitely.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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