Written by Gordo Plenty
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Topics: Animal Rights

Friday, 18 December 2009

image for Animal Rights Leaders Call For Members To Sacrifice Themselves
Local squirrel waiting for a nut.

Chicken, Alaska - Today leaders of an animal rights group have called on their membership to begin to sacrifice themselves for the betterment of the poor animals who are going hungry through out the world.

'There is nothing more important than a wild or domestic animal going hungry. We call upon you, our brethren in nature, to walk into the woods and fields of the world and give yourselves to the animals that need your life more than you do', stated an email sent to all members this morning. The message ended with a piece of advice.

'Make sure that you transfer any funds that you have in the bank, etc to the headquarters, so we can carry on the fight after your ultimate sacrifice and demise.'

T. Edward Bear, president, when asked if he were going to sacrifice himself said 'Are you nuts? Someone has to be here to spend the money and tell everyone else what to do. I am much too important to be eaten. Besides, that would hurt.'

So far there is no word on how many members have actually followed the latest mandate.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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