Written by Gordo Plenty
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Topics: Economy, Walmart, Sales

Thursday, 17 December 2009

image for Wal Mart Reporting Lower Than Expected Sales
Half of Dimwitty's bonus

Wal Mart reported lower than expected sales for the Christmas season. They blame Democrats and 'political correctness' for all their woes.

'Economy, schmomony', said Walt Dimwitty, chief financial analyst for Wal Mart. 'The problem is with those damn Democrats. They keep telling everyone that we are having economic troubles and then they say they solved them and then they get found out that they didn't solve anything.'

Customers are spending less than 22% as much as they had last year at the same time.

'Come on people', said Dimwitty, 'what's more important? Your house payment or my bonus? Get real! It will take them months and months to foreclose or shut off your utilities! Come on down and spend your money!'

Department stores across the nation all report a drop in holiday sales.

'Oh, sure. We live in the land of the free, yet we aren't allowed to say 'Merry Christmas' because we may offend someone. Tough, I say. I have to listen to Hanukkah stuff, they can listen to Christmas' stated a disgruntled Wal Mart Greeter.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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