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Wednesday, 16 December 2009

image for Elin and Josefin Nordegren 2001 naked holographic pop-up advent calendar blamed for Tiger marriage woes
Popping out of their Yuletide bikinis...

Orlando, Fla - (Bare-Assed Cheek): A 2001 holographic pop-up advent calendar featuring partially clad Elin Nordegren and her stunning identical twin sister Josefin has been blamed as the root of Tiger Woods' marriage woes.

The beautiful blonde blue-eyed sisters appear in over two dozen artistically (sic) suggestive poses gradually getting their kit off as Christmas Day approaches.

The Lapland-themed slow-release strip show has Santa glowing with lust as the young ladies slowly toss aside dresses, rubber stockings, bras, thongs and six inch killer heels.

Was 2005 bridgegroom Tiger Woods hypnotised into marriage after seeing the naked Yuletide calendar?

Artistic director Lars Smorgasbord said today the fabled striptease almanac has spawned dozens of identical copycat publications.

"Most copied theme is the Nordegren girls' twinkling Christmas nipple lights," the photographer said.

Santa's little helpers' mammaries shimmer in shades of red, green and gold as a heavily laden sleigh groans under seasonal gifts of diamonds, gold, platinum and tempting prenup options.

The iconic Bathtime Capers, Steamy Hot-Tub Oral Examination and Strawberry Milkshake Double Trouble window poses were famously reproduced in 2007 by Celebrity Big Brother contestants the Marchant Twins.

Neither Sam nor Amanda Marchant is married to or even engaged to any world famous golfing prodigies.

At least not yet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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