Michael Moore has decided to enter Farenheit 9/11 into the category of films at the Oscars. This will open up a path for him to bid for "best female actress in a comedy role". Members of the Academy were taken aback when previewing the movie as the chairman explains : "We have never before encountered so much fertiliser in one film. We thought it had to be the movie of the Scott Peterson trial".
Leading Academy judges said that Moore would be better off calling it the "Dave Matthews Project", as it was human waste which would best be dumped in the Chicago River.
Moore was quick to explain that what had looked like a documentary, wasn't really a documentary, when they thought they were filming fact, turned out it was a thin film of fat from Moore leaving his burger on the camera lens ; that's why its polemic. The Academy have corrected that calling it Potomac, as in "dump it in the".
Public Relations fundi Ivor Harris said that it was an interesting move on Moore's part. "What can one really say about Farenheit that hasn't already been said about public defecation? It has very little fact, enormous amounts of speculation and both being passed off as the Gospel truth".
Plans are afoot to give Moore every chance of landing the best actress award by reshooting parts of Farenheit 9/11. Crew suggestions that they shoot Moore were rejected as "interesting but uneconomical". This despite a cameraman's offer to pop off home for his Glock .45.
Instead they plan to dress Moore up as an Arab woman, covered from head to toe in a marquee that they borrowed from a barmitzvah -seated 400 comfortably, and introduce him as follows : "The part of the Afghanistani pipeline will now be played by Ms Moore".
Studio voice : The American company that was to instal the pipeline withdrew it's offer in 1998 but Ms Moore whose researcher died on the first day of the project, believes it is still going ahead. You put de lime in de cocoanut, you drink it all up.
[Marquees can be obtained from Rent A Tent in 5th avenue. In the case of Ms Moore we had to let the tent flaps out. In addition film goers are hereby advised that in the event of any part of Moore being visable refunds on tickets will be made.]
In the interim Moore attended the Republican Convention to drum up support. He nearly landed up causing a stampede. While party faithful were calling for "4 more years" he was chanting "2 more months". Some of those present thought that the apparition dressed in a tent was a mistress in disguise, and passing off pregnancy delivery details.
Order was finally restored when the Republican chairman pointed out that the mountain just outside New York must have been involved in a landslide and that 'Godzilla' over there could hardly be anyone's mistress.
Michael Moore is a legend in his own mind, who will brave all the criticism and scorn going, in order to bring Farenheit 9/11 to even greater heights. I for one wish him down a well.