Written by KRS
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Monday, 14 December 2009

image for New Line of Elin Nordegren Woods Golf Clubs Announced

A press conference was hastily called this morning by Samurai Sports to announce the newest line of golf clubs; just in time for Christmas Day delivery.

Addressing a speechless and bedraggled muckraking cohort of reporters, Hiroshima Andrews, V.P. for new product development at Samurai proudly introduced the Elin Nordegren Woods Collection of golf clubs and multi-purpose tools.

Beaming with pride, he reached below the podium to grasp what he referred to the high water mark in the collection; the Elin Escalade Driver; complete with a virtually unbreakable graphite composite shaft of 50 inches to increase leverage, a 5.5 degree club face to increase surface area for contacting windshields, driver side windows, shower stalls and skulls. The club also sports a molded finger grip wrapped with fine Corinthian calf leather to maximize control during the more provocative swings of the club.

During field tests utilizing discus and shot putters, after 1,000 trial swings of Herculean force, not once was there any loss of control of the club - facilitating faster recoil and repeated swings. Samurai CEO Phil Knight added; "This club can also put golf balls into absolute orbit."

Also to be available in the immediate future, is the Madame LaFarge model of wedge.

Complementing the molded hand grip and graphite shaft of the entire collection, the wedge head is composed of the finest Damascus steel with a 75 degree angle, meticulously sharpened by Japanese katana craftsmen.

Designed as a multi-tool for weed eating, addressing "balls embedded in ill advised locations" and "clearing a rough lie...of displeasing elements," Knight informed the press corps that factory pre-orders for just the Madame club has been unprecedented.

"The demand from Middle Eastern countries was completely unanticipated. Our sales manager in Iran has identified the extraordinary popularity of the club with husbands of adulterous wives and fathers of unmarried deflowered daughters. Our man in Iran assumes that apparently these men intend to teach their wives and daughters golf as a behavior modification technique. We are proud to be a part of this cultural exchange, but we are perplexed by the lack of orders for the other clubs in the collection."

Factory pre-orders for Christmas can be made by calling our 1-800 number.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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