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Sunday, 13 December 2009

image for Kalika Moquin: two Tiger hos pregnant, Elin's shock at ultrasound pics
Woods' playmates signed hooker-equivalent prenup agreements gagging their Tiger shagging secrets

Orlando, Fla - (Reuterus): "Someone sent Elin ultrasound pics Thanksgiving weekend," Las Vegas club manager Kalika Moquin confided today.

"Anonymous, likely some trashy pancake house ho.

"Totally freaked out Elin, badly sourin her still lactating momma-boobs.

"Anonymous. But pretty obvious who."

Moquin's comments today follow reports that Tiger Woods has given up sex to concentrate on marriage and family after the trainwreck of Thanksgiving weekend.

Moquin, 27, says all Woods' playmates signed hooker-equivalent prenup agreements gagging their Tiger shagging secrets for fifty years.

In return they all regularly got $10,000 bonuses, free dentistry and tickets for the Open.

"Tiger even threw in free healthcare and dental floss! And in return all he expected waqs complete secrecy and no goddam pregnancy talk!"

Moquin says she however never signed any agreement barring her from any kiss 'n' tell.

"I just kept my mouth shut by filling it with other, er essential distractions."

Jaimee Jungers is 69.

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