Written by Philip Moon
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Topics: Health

Saturday, 12 December 2009

image for Democrat, GOP Senators Hospitalized After Hurting Selves on Health Care Bill; Back injury, infected paper cut delay vote further
Doctors claim the health care bill is the leading cause of Congressional injury

Washington, D.C. - Senator Jack Reed (D-RI) and Senator Richard Burr (R-NC) were both hospitalized this week for health complications tied to the Seante health care bill. Senator Reed suffered a back injury lifting the 2,000 page bill and Burr suffered paper cut from a stunt where he tore up the bill on the Senate floor.

Reed, responding to Republican criticisms about the length of the bill, lifted the bill up at the podium to say that he considered the bill just right.

"This bill's size is large, but so is the problem of health care coverage. I can tell you that we have the fortitude to handle this problem, ... uggh," Reed said, groaning as he pulled his lower back.

Reed was admitted to the hospital and prescribed Vicodin and physical therapy.

Burr, meanwhile, sought to use the spotlight of CSPAN to make a spectacle of parts of the bill he hated. Burr lifted pages up in the air and dramatically tore them in denunciation.

"Regarding pages 514-523, regarding a socialist public option, I say no! This will tear apart the fabric of our health care system. Ouch!" Burr said, looking at a nasty paper cut on his hand.

The cut on Burr's hand became infected and he was brought to the emergency room where he was treated with topical antibiotics. Despite his opposition to government run health care, Burr went to the hospital and pulled out his insurance card for Congress's government run plan.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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