Written by Helen Tarnation

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Saturday, 12 December 2009

image for Tiger: 'I have blue balls'
Pretend this is blue, and you'll understand.

In a private confidential interview, Tiger Woods said he has 'blue balls'.

'I'm hiding from the press. My wife's run off. All my mistresses are pissed off at me. Lawyers want to serve me with papers. I haven't had sex for two days', Tiger said.

'Man, do I ever have a bad case of blue balls'.

According to gonadologists, a mature male in an extended state of sexual arousal will find eventually that his scrotum turns blue from asphyxiation. This is known technically as cyanoscrotalism, or more popularly, as 'blue balls'.

'I'm stuck in this hotel room all day, eating room service food', he said. 'I could maybe try to get a piece from one of the hotel staff, but then they'd know I'm here. So I hide in the bathroom when my food arrives.'

Asked if he could maybe get some action through a confidential escort service, Tiger responded, 'No way, man.'

'They all know me already. And if you watch the news, you know they blab their heads off.'

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