A new report from the Surgeon Colonel is that they have completed a major study that links breathing to Pinworms Disease.
"It's almost 100%", stated S.G. to this reporter. "Two in the study have disappeared and we can't find them, but 100% of the ones we checked who had the pinworms were breathing."
The study, began during the Carter Administration and forgotten by all the presidents since, has been the pet project of a Dr. Javorkian who tested several patients by placing a plastic bag over their heads and then did the mirror test. His conclusions? "After several tests including placebos, everyone with the disease died shortly after they quit breathing."
All five members of the group of doctors say the funding ran out years ago but that they were committed.
"The Colonel is the one to talk to", stated one Dr. Jackal. "He's the one that has always been in charge."
When the lady out front was asked about the gentlemen, she told us, "They're harmless. Their families brought them here over the years and they've pretty well renamed themselves. That one that calls himself 'the Surgeon Colonel' or 'SG' seems to be in charge and we got them some white outfits that were once worn by our security staff."
"We mostly just leave them alone."
That's what this reporter gets for leaving the hot Tiger Woods stories. You can't believe any of the these anonymous call-ins.