Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Kids

Friday, 11 December 2009

image for Michelle Duggars Gives Birth To Her 19th Child
The line to use the bathroom at the Duggars home.

TONTITOWN, Arkansas - Michelle Duggars, of the TLC reality show, 18 Kids and Counting, has got to be one of the most breedingest women in the history of American childhood breeding.

The mother of 18 kids, Michelle Duggars has just 'popped out' baby number 19.

And by using the words 'popped out' I in no way, shape, or form suggest an air of disrespect, but it is just that if one really thinks about it, by having 19 kids, Mrs. Duggars has turned herself into an industrial baby-making machine, with the help of her husband Jim Bob's ever present penis of course.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Dear Jim Bob, Hey fella have you ever thought about taking up a sport or hobby, such as hunting, fishing, bug collecting, marathon race running, or may be just simply playing with yourself? Come on guy. You and the little woman are people, you're not freakin rabbits for goodness sake!.]

The other 18 kids who already are having a hell of a time remembering each others names as it is will now have one more sibling name to memorize.

The Duggars named the new baby Josie Brooklyn Bay Bridge Duggars, in honor of next door neighbors Brooklyn and Bay Bridge, who have spent half their life helping to babysit the 18 little Duggars.

Bay Bridge, who is a retired gas meter reader for the Tontitown Gas & Electric System, said that he has gotten used to having the Duggars kids running all over his place.

He said "Hell to me's dem kiddoes is just kinda likes da furniture, except of course dat ju don't have ta dust 'em or polish 'em."

The baby's father Jim Bob is doing fine. He is a little tired from having to make 19 bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches last night, not to mention 19 strawberry sno-cones for desert.

The baby's mama Michelle however is not doing too good at the moment. Doctors at The President William Jefferson Clinton Hospital in Tontitown are having a hard time trying to put Mrs. Duggars legs back together.

The hospital director Festoon Roostercup said that he has sent word up to Little Rock and they will be helicoptering (air lifting) in a KTV (knee, thighs, and vagina) specialist who will perform the needed procedure.

Dr. Joshua Velcrosteen, who played football at The University of Ozarkia A&M, has performed literally hundreds of these type of procedures.

Dr. Velcrosteen, who said he once treated Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for a type 3-A class yeast infection, said that the procedure is a relatively simple one. What he will do is basically forcibly push Mrs. Duggars two knees and legs back together.

This is done by a means which he refers to as the "Muscle System." And what that entails is that Dr. Velcrosteen will enlist the services of the two strongest male employees in the entire hospital.

He went on to say that they do not necessarily have to be nurses, they could be office clerks, custodians, or in one case a cafeteria pastry cook.

Once the procedure is done and Mrs. Duggars legs and knees can once again touch like a normal woman's then she will be fitted with a chastity belt.

The governor of Arkansas Bubba Poinsettia has mandated that Mrs. Duggars must wear this specially designed chastity belt for a one year probationary period.

Governor Poinsettia has stated that at the end of the one year probationary period, he will meet with Mrs. Duggars and make a re-assesment and a re-evaluation.

And if he finds that Mrs. Duggars can be trusted enough not to go and get herself knocked up for the 20th time he will allow for the chastity to be removed with the full and complete understanding that should Mrs. Duggars get pregnant once again she will be immediately arrested.

In other news. Scientist were concerned about a giant iceberg that they believed was floating towards Australia. Their concern was later erased when they learned that it was not an iceberg but merely 387 pound Chaz Bono swimming in the Pacific Ocean off the California coast.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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