NEW YORK CITY - A spokesperson for the New York City Chamber of Commerce has stated that she received a text message from Kim Jong Il stating that he will arrive in NYC on December 20 to do some Christmas shopping for his family back in Pyongyang, North Korea.
NYC Spokesperson Claire Blagojevich (no relation to ex-Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich) noted that Kim Jong Il expressed a desire to visit Macy's, Bloomingdale's, Saks Fifth Avenue, and McDonald's.
The North Korean leader also mentioned that he would also like to visit Madison Square Garden, Central Park, and sit in the audience of David Letterman's Late Show.
Kim Jong Il says that he has always thought that Letterman was much more funnier than Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, and Rush Limbaugh.
He remarked that he can hardly wait to eat one of those famous Coney Island Hot Dogs that he has heard about especially since, unlike in his country, these hot dogs actually contain no dog.
Kim Jong Il wrote Mrs. Blagojevich and told her that American hot dogs are a strange concept, kind of like eating fried chicken without the chicken, or sukiyaki with the yaki, or even succotash without the tash.
He gave Mrs. Blagojevich his word not to worry about the possibility that his real intent in coming to America is to spy on the United States Missile System.
He said that although it did cross his mind, he wants everyone to rest assured that he is coming to America not as the leader of one of the most powerful nations in the world, and not as a so-called spy, and not even as a critic of America's incessant need to police the world.
Kim Jong Il will be coming to America and wear the hat of just a simple visitor from a simple country that just happens to have a simple missile system and who just wants to buy a bunch of simple Christmas presents.
When Mrs. Blagojevich asked him if he is a New York Yankees fan or a New York Mets fan the Korean leader said that he is a Boston Red Sox fan.
In other news. Stand-up comedian Grandma Lee, who finished in third place in this past years America's Got Talent reality show was asked to appear in next seasons edition of Dancing With The Stars. She had to turn them down due to the fact that she is afraid that once her dance partner touches her she will have no choice but to molest him.