George Tenet, former CIA Director and carrying the can over the Weapons of Mass Destruction Intellegence reports, has confirmed that he has accepted a position with EXtortKIC Shortwave Radio. The new daytime talkshow host has however confirmed that he does not plan to do it for very long.
If his first show was anything to go by he'll be retired in a couple of weeks. "Morning Cincinatti, bright and breezy with a high of 10. This morning I'll be starting with a few offers that some of you might want to take up".
"My first goes to a certain National Security Advisor, you know who you are, who was having an affair with a gentleman from Virginia. Remember when you drove over to his home while his wife was away? No? You were in the powder blue Pugeot, wearing your red outfit with a black scarf? Our offer is that you deposit 5.5 million dollars in the George Tenet Family Trust, details from our producer".
"Now you may ask yourself the question, what if I don't take up George's kind offer? The answer is simple : If you don't act now you will receive free of charge, as will the whole of America, copies of photographs of you having sex with the gentleman concerned, plus our station will release copies of the recordings of your efforts and a bonus surprise item guarunteed to embaress Bill Clinton".
"Our next offer goes to a presidential nominee who was in Cambodia circa December 1968, or at least by his mother he was. Kindly deposit $15m in the George Tenet Family Trust this week or we will be releasing pictures of you in America for Christmas 1968, a Macy's catalogue with Jane Fonda in it and carrying the fattest thighs humanity has had to endure and we shall make available for inspection your medal collection so people can really see what they were for".
"To a large gentleman living in New York and annoying the local population we have on offer for you the following. Place $12m in the account of the George Tenet Family Trust failing which we shall release pictures of you beating your servants, videos of you getting ugly with minority groups or eating the entire budget of a 3rd world country. Should you not take up our offer we shall simply offer not to plaster your pictures all over New York for the same price".
All of todays lucky contestants must rest assured that the former director of the CIA has very satisfactory access to the assets of the orginisation. This means top quality products will be available for distribution should any of them doubt these threats.
This is what we term 'market forces'. This part of the market, forces contestants to share their wealth or face the consequences.