Lovelock, Nevada - (Gonads): "Poor guy, like he's OD'd on all that Elin PMS!" a thoughtful OJ Simpson confided in inmates at Lovelock Correctional Center today.
"Sure is called the seven year bitch! Single women can smell it a mile off. Turns them into rabid hellhounds. Man like Tiger's in their thrall!"
Former NFL star Simpson reckons Woods' predicament is a classic tragedy of the highly strung athletic male.
"Testosterone dictates a champ ejaculates at least half a dozen times a day. And that's excluding jerking off in the shower, in the SUV or in the elevator. Truss me, I know.
"Sounds like Tiger's been leaving his scent all over them prarie haunts of his. Sure it drives the bitches wild! Man's a walkin Viagra rocket."