Written by CamoDude
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Topics: cancer, chicago

Thursday, 2 September 2004

image for Mr. T Reluctantly Pities Himself, Long Bout With Cancer And Old Age To Blame
Mr. T, shown above, in the prime of his pitying days when anybody was at risk of being pitied.

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS-- From his bedroom, Mr. T, aka Lawrence Tero, told our reporters he had no other option left but to pity himself. This decision came on the heels of a long battle with cancer and increased aging. For a total of four years now, Mr. T, has been experiencing the negative results of living through a battle with cancer.

Before being diagnosed with terminal lymphoma in 1995, Mr. T's career of pitying others had reached an all time high. "I was pitying unfortunate people left and right," said Mr. T softly. "Now... now.. look at me," T stated. "I tried to pity cancer but it just wouldn't allow itself to be pitied!" he screamed.

Many years of heavy chemotherapy and radiation treatments have finally taken the toll on a man that some have said could never be pitied. Sure, it's been a few years since his last treatment, but age has played a huge factor.

"I am 49 beating down 50's door," wept T. "Just maybe I coulda defeated this 100% back in my A Team days." "I was in my late 20's and in the best shape of my life." A sight that's hard to believe these days upon seeing him curled up in bed and weighing in at about 135 pounds.

Though some of T's fans feel sorry for him and are showing their support, other people are expressing revenge, Mike Hunt, a Chicago area businessman, expressed joy for this occasion. "That bastard shoved me in an altercation at a local bar 20 years ago," said Hunt. "I almost retaliated, but he threatened to pity." "What could I do?" "For everyone that has ever been caught up in T's pity, we all must now pity him in revenge," an angered Mike Hunt stated.

Mr. T made a final statement from his bed since being bedridden. "Who would have known that pitying all of theses people would come back to haunt me?" "Now I must go ahead now and pity one last person and that is myself," cried T.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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