Written by Morse
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Topics: Sex, Tiger Woods

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

image for Florida health Department Condems Wood's Mansion: 11 in One Bed 'Unsanitary"
Prisoner of Love:11 In One Bed, But Tiger Claims He's The 'VICTIM'!

Health officials, urged on by Disney spokesmen embarrassed by bad publicity from the cities 'wildest animal', Tiger Woods, condemned his $2.7 million dollar mansion claiming it was a 'health hazard.'

"We've heard of Haitian boat people living in one bedroom, but we didn't expect this!" said heath official Wade 'Bubba' Porkrind, head of the Public Health Service.

"Eleven adults in one bed, no matter how big it is, can not be condoned especially in this climate!"

A horde of health officials clad in HAMAT suits and respirators cleared the house this morning and removed all sheets, pillow cases, handi wipes and wet towels from the bedroom before sealing it off to the public. The mattress itself, an octo-king size custom made in Thailand, and then seamlessly reassembled in the master bedroom was scheduled for disassembly and then burning at a local toxic waste facility latter in the week.

A crowd of on lookers outside all said they were hopeful some of the smaller items found such as Tiger's collection of long distance, soft landing Ben Wa balls, Tiger Skin hand cuffs, ribbed golf gloves, and vibrating ball markers would soon be for sale on E-bay.

An official from the Sheriff's department said the complaint originated from a 911 call from an hysterical woman who claimed she was pushed out of her own bed due to overcrowding and she couldn't take it any more.

The unidentified woman, who may have been Tiger's wife, was said to be overwrought screaming "Who does he think he is, a NORWEGIAN??"

A spokesman from Oslo did say Mr. Woods was in consideration for the Nobel Piece Prize as soon as they concluded the ceremony for President Obama today where he was handed the country's Biggest Spoof Award for 2009 awarded for contributing the most to Global Warming and providing amnesty for terrorists.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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