Senator John Kerry, Democratic Presidential Nominee has confirmed that the War on Terror can be won. Speaking in Nashville, Kerry said that he was 'all shook up uh huh huh', then laid the problems at the Governments door. He said extremism was gaining momentum through the policies in Iraq.
Senator Kerry said that he had a cunning plan involving the participation of the American people. "Take Dave Matthews Band, fine upstanding group of men who dumped human waste on those miscreants skulking below a bridge on the Chicago River".
"It is men like these who will take the fight to undesirables. Look at Scott Peterson another fine man who spent most of his formative years in fertiliser. When the time came to move forward he composed himself for the task of decomposing. Did Scott hold back, hell no!!"
"Do I fear that we will lose the war on terror? Is Al-Quaida going to transform the streets of America into a battlegound? How? With men like Dave Matthews and Scott Peterson we'll cut off their heads and shit down their necks. We'll hit them on the back of their heads so hard the snot will go brrrrrrrrr."
"We don't need Tom standing on a Ridge changing alerts on Homeland Security Duty. We need Robert Blake popping back to his motor vehicle with murder in his heart and no worthwhile direction to aim it. We can channel his homicidal tendencies into a defense system all on it's lonesome".
"My fellow Americans one man's death row is another man's homeland defense. One man's Home for the criminally insanse is another's reactionary force. To hell with the Screaming Eagles, bring on the Screaming Homicidal Maniacs..."
Members of the National Convention of the American Legion sat throughout the speech in stunned silence. Members admitted afterwards that there would be no laughing while the potential existed that this genius was serious.
"If Americans are forced to fight overseas then I'll be damned if we'll be sending the goodies. We'll be sending them the "assets" I have referred to and nothing else. Most of them will land up all over Asia, Europe and the Middle East. Let those French surrender monkeys come and beg us to remove our soldiers."
"In conclussion I would like to reaffirm my determination to rebuild our ties with Europe and the rest of the world. The way ahead need not be paved with terror, hell no! It just needs us to show the rest of the world that we are madder than them".