Written by Impiltdownman
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Wednesday, 1 September 2004

image for Bush Creates Snag in Upcoming Presidential Debates
“He can’t handle the truth!”

The upcoming Presidential Debates hit a potential snag today when President Bush stated that John Kerry would be required to sign a loyalty oath before participating in the upcoming debates. In an interview with Matt Lauer, Bush made it clear that no "excemptions" would be made to the loyalty oath requirement established by his campaign for all RNC campaign event attendees. However, when pushed on the issue by Lauer, Bush left the door open by suggesting he may be willing to waive the oath if Teresa Heinz Kerry were to volunteer to participate in lieu of her husband. When asked to elaborate, Bush stated he did not wish to create any divisions between his platform and his favorite "condiminiment."

When asked about the Bush statement, Reverend Jerry Falwell was quoted, "It's just another way of swearing to god" and suggested if Kerry has any belief in the almighty, he should have no problem swearing allegiance to our country's leader. When asked to comment on Falwell's statement, radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh said, "huh?"

When approached on the floor at the Republican National Convention, republican congressman from Texas Tom DeLay remarked, "What's a debate?" Also from the RNC, Karl Rove commented, "This requirement is just another mechanistic part of the republican plan to make sure this country gets what it deserves regardless of the popular vote." Controversial film maker Michael Moore was a surprise visitor to the RNC and demanded that a central theme of any debate should be an open discussion of the finer production values of his recent film "Fahrenheit 911".

Meanwhile in Hollywood, staunch democratic activist Mary Steenburgen suggested the final Presidential Debate should be held November 18th at the opening of the Clinton Presidential Library in her native Little Rock. Steenburgen pointed out, "The library venue would help even the playing field with the Machiavellian republicans" and proposed her personal friends former President Bill Clinton and Ret. General Wesley Clark would be happy to help "Straighten the republicans out on several issues." When asked about Steenburgen's "Machiavellian" comment, Bush remarked, "I believe America should continue to keep its doors open to all religions regardless of color." Also from Hollywood, when asked to comment on the Bush statement, multiple Academy Award winner Jack Nicholson said simply, "He can't handle the truth!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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