Written by Aisubeki Akiudo
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Monday, 7 December 2009

image for Official - American Football Is For Pussies
Adam Lambert's Most Loved 'Sport'

(Defecated News) Having deliberated over the last two years, IOC chiefs have rejected the USA's request to consider American 'Football' as a sport worthy of being in the Olympics.

Sergio Buttokini, President of the IOC summarised the findings in a press conference this morning,

"The USA had requested that we consider American Football for future Olympic events, and regrettably having researched the sport in detail, the bid has been rejected.

"Firstly, it's not football. To be football you need to be using your feet most of the time and the ball must be shaped like a ball. The sport is more hand-egg than foot-ball.

"Secondly, the players wear big pads, gay helmets and protection not seen in the real man's game rugby. The tackling is similar, but in the US, the men are fatter, less in shape (hence needling to stop every ten yards, and need the protection so they don't get hurt). We can only conclude that this is because they are a bunch of pussy mummy's-boys with small cocks from all that steroid use."

It is believed that next year, the US will make an IOC bid for 'baseball' - a hyped-up version of a European girl's game called 'rounders'.

Don't hold your breath.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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