The F.D.A. (Food and Drug Administration) has approved the addition of toe jam to school lunch menus and it will replace strawberry and grape jelly as the preferred ingredient in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The government agency made the announcement of the change after ten months of cost effectiveness studies into ways to make the federally funded school lunch programs cheaper.
Russ Spencer, spokesman for the F.D.A. was pleased with the change. "Everyone knows that the new administration is all about change, and we see this as another change that will be beneficial to the students and easier on the tax payer."
Other changes that will take place due to the cost cutting study include listing black pepper as a vegetable ("just like bell peppers"), approving library paste as a snack in the primary grades ("the younger children eat it anyway"), and requesting that Raisin Bran decrease its famous and customary two scoops to 1/2 of a scoop per box.
Spencer felt that these changes would be readily acceptable by the media, the schools, the students, and parent groups as "we don't expect there to be the big flap over this that Reagan got when he said ketchup was a vegetable. After all, America voted for our change."