Orlando, Florida - (Rotters): Is top golf pro Tiger Woods being blackmailed over secret love-cubs?
"We're within a whisker of naming and shaming!" celeb-watch website LA FagHagSlagMag sources said today.
But in some predatory habitats the fourteen times champion is already top babyfather suspect behind a famous, secret paternity.
"Best guess? It has to be Malia and Sasha Obama," the LA FagHagSlagMag editorial hints.
"Why? Well, as the most recognizable and popular of the golf world's charismatic megafauna Woods has been careful about where he's shoved his putter.
"But it would take a whole presidential secret service to gag such a DNA story."
Woods, his wife Elin and two young children are currently holed up in a secret location.
Pals say he's been dodging the bullets following more extramarital revelations from Las Vegas casino manager Kalika Moquin.
Grandma Woods is palpitating erratically.