Confirmed reports are now coming in indicating the White House party crashers are not Tareq and Michaela Salahi as first reported, but none other than Osama Bin Laden and Cher. Apparently the clean shaven Osama and blond wig donning Cher were not identified by any White House security officials or top brass attending the party.
Osama, according to witnesses, has apparently been hiding in the U.S. for years under the alias "Osammy" and singing back up for Cher since 2001. The pair are noted on her current CD covers as "Osammy and Cher".
White House officials, seen red faced and wearing pink boxers said they have "no explanation" for not inviting Osammy and Cher in the first place. Secretary of War & Propaganda Artist Robert Gates has been unavailable for comment; but has been observed doing triple back flips on a pogo stick since photographs of him shaking hands with Osammy were leaked and published in several gay magazines.
Secretary of State Hillary "Nuke 'em" Clinton lamented that it was "too bad" that 1.5 Trillion U.S. taxpayer dollars have been spent since 2001 pursuing Osammy in far off countries, but smiled while bragging that her war machine investment portfolio has grown by some 90 million dollars during the same period. "Nuke 'em Clinton" also noted that Osammy's whereabouts are still unknown but it seemed likely to her that he has returned with Cher to a cave in the eastern mountain ranges of Afghanistan.
Once upon a time Vice President Dick "intelligence rules" Cheney has just indicated all U.S. citizens who assisted or knew the actual identity of Osammy while in the U.S. will be subject to "special rendition" and sent to Guantanamo for a minimum of 250 years. When asked as to how he would have such powers after leaving office, Cheney explained "I will always have the power, and don't you forget it." The reporter conducting the interview noted Cheney had a serious case of gingivitis and that flies were seen around his nose and lips.
The Secret Service detail responsible for White House security has reportedly been replaced by Backwater Security, a division of Keystone Cops, Inc. Security at the White House is expected to improve.
DagNabbit Rabbit reporting. Until next time, Good Day.