DUCKWATER, Nevada - One of the West Coast's most prominent Cultural Anthropologists Dr. Diane J. Poor, PhD, recently called a press conference to reveal a rather startling development.
Dr. Poor who along with Boston's Dr. Fittland P. Child, PhD, is the director of the highly respected Poor-Child Research Team has found what they are calling the world's first known "Goat Girl."
"GG" for short, or "G" for even shorter resembles a typical little girl. She has cute dimples, an arresting smile, and bouncy bangs.
Dr. Poor said that "Goat Girl's" name is actually Isa. And Isa likes the Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana, and the fact that she can out scream her sister Lexi by a full 17 decibels.
Lexi, known as the Viking Princess, because her father Jim was the backup punter for the 1999 Minnesota Vikings appears to be a perfectly normal little girl.
Doctors say that her present IQ is an astounding 158, but that they expect it to drop a few points by the time she reaches high school, TV watching and all.
Lexi and Isa's mom the stunning vocal cord-endowed Katie met her husband when she was one of the Minnesota Vikings cheerleaders during the same 1999 season.
Jim and Katie hit it off right away after Jim remarked to Katie that she had the most beautiful pom-poms that he had ever seen. He asked if they were real and she replied that actually they were store-bought.
Katie told Jim that he was really one of the best punters that she had ever seen and that included Bosnian punter Jaroslav Miroslav who once punted a football 97 yards against the wind.
Katie confessed that the farthest she ever saw Jim punt a football was 61 yards, but she quickly added that Jim was twice as cute as Jaroslav and he also knew three times more knock-knock jokes which she loves.
Jim and Katie were asked when they first noticed that one of their twin daughters was somewhat different. Katie replied that it was on Columbus Day when at the young age of two Isa suddenly started licking a can of tuna fish that her mother had left on the kitchen table.
Her mom quickly took the can away before Isa cut herself but as she removed the can she heard Isa make a strange goat like sound. It sounded a lot like Baaaaah!
And then Katie says that Isa did something very unusual. Little Isa put her head down and ran towards her mother butting her and causing her to end up face down on top of the kitchen table.
Isa then tried to take the tuna can out of the trash can, but luckily two of Jim's neighbors Frankie and Bert who are fishing buddies, but not in a gay way of course, each grabbed a hold of one of Isa's hooves, I mean legs.
Isa started screaming and she managed to butt Frankie who landed on top of the Cuisinart and ended up with lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumbers all over his West Virginia Mountaineers sweatshirt.
Meanwhile his fishing buddy, Bert managed to escape Isa's butting by somehow jumping on top of the refrigerator.
Dr. Poor grabbed her cell phone and called 911 but the line was busy. She called again 50 seconds later and it was still busy, but she left a message.
The operator called back 19 minutes later. Jim explained what had occurred and the operator sent out two goat experts who work for the Duckwater Petting Zoo.
The two men Dwight Armbone, 51, and Seth Dingy, 28, arrived and right away they were astonished to see what they saw.
Armbone is Nevada's number one expert in the field of goatology and he said that he had never seen a little girl or little boy for that matter who had more pronounced goat tendencies, characteristics, and traits than little Isa had.
He said that she even had a little bit of a beard. Her mom quickly apologized for that saying that she had been kinda rushed that morning and did not get to shave Isa like she usually does.
Dingy said that he had an uncle Kerry Dingy who lives in Reno, who works as an agent for The Bonnie and Clyde Touring Car Company. He told Jim and Katie that he could introduce them and he is sure that they could work out some kind of deal to put little Isa on the 2010 Bonnie and Clyde Tour as the tour's opening act.
He said that they could travel with her and that he would make sure that Isa got the best goat food that money could buy.
Isa was asked what she thought about the idea and she let out a Baaaaah that could be heard for blocks.
SIDENOTE: Isa has been signed and starting in January she will be part of the 2010 Bonnie and Clyde Touring Car and Nevada Goat Girl Tour.
Written as a special request from a very near and dear friend. Please take care my esteemed pal and God bless you. And I do not say Happy Holidays. I am still old-fashioned. I still say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
-AR- (Dec. 4, 2009)