Written by Adam Click
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Topics: Video Games

Saturday, 7 May 2011

image for Hunt Ends! Video Game Shooter Killed by Ten-Year-Old Gamer!
"I'm no hero. I'm just a kid!" says ten-year old Gregory Hanes, before running off to play with friends.

What do you do in the middle of spring break when it's raining too hard to play outside, and your parents have taken away your X box and computer time because they're scared over some stupid virtual something or other, and you're bored to tears?

If you're ten-year-old Gregory Hanes, you go up to the attic, get out your parent's old NES video game system and kill the most feared virtual criminal in world history while playing "Duck Hunt". That's what you do!

Gregory Hanes, an avid gamer at age ten, got so restless when deprived of his favorite past time he did something he hasn't done in years. he went exploring in the sprawling attic of his parent's Mcmansion. It was there, among the boxes of Christmas decorations and outgrown clothes, that he found a prize.

"I was scrounging through all this boring stuff and I come to this box and I look inside and here's this system I never heard of!" the boy explained. "So anyway, I take it to the basement and finally figure out how to hook it up and it has these weird controllers, including one shaped like a gun. And there's this one game called "Duck Hunt", Which is really lame, but anyway..."

Gregory explains how he was playing the game when it suddenly changed. "Instead of a duck, this guy pops up and he smiles at me with a kind of strange smile, but before I could stop, I already pressed the trigger and shot him, cause that's how the game was."

"I shot him and he changed from happy to mad. He glared at me before disappearing for a second. Then he hobbled back onto the screen on crutches. He looked straight at me and yelled, "Ouch! Shoot the ducks, not me!" and then he fell over and died."

Authorities are lauding young Gregory for his courage. he's appeared on Oprah, the Today Show, and even David Letterman, where he did "The top ten reasons to:" segment with aplomb. The boy, however, is taking all the publicity in stride, saying, "I'm no hero. I'm just a kid." before running off to play with his friends.

Authorities aren't the only ones relieved by Gregory's impeccable marksmanship, Across the nation there's an eerie calm as gamers resume their favorite past time.

The virtual killer who made his presence know for the first time with the tragic murder of avid gamer, Amos Walker, had been sought by law enforcement for more than a year.

It started in the small town of Burbank, California and had taken on titanic proportions as a phshycotic virtual killer spread terror both at home and across the world. Reports from as far away as London started flooding into the Burbank Police Department's special forces unit.

Perhaps the most tragic incident happened in Long Island, New York, shortly after the original crime. In that incident, an innocent crash test dummy, returning home from work, was mistaken for the virtual killer by police and shot dead.

Next in the series: Power Grid Faces Major Test as 170 Million Gaming Systems Come Back on Line

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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