New York (AP) - The Grand Old Party has released a list of suitable and approved sites for touring during the Republican convention. The list also includes a section of attractions that are strictly forbidden. The GOP has gone so far as to actually post off limits facilities that they deemed incorrigible. Unfortunately, that list includes an off Broadway show titled ‘Naked Boys Singing', and the city of New York is inflamed.
"A stage full of naked guys singing has the RNC worried", replied Sen. Bobby Lee Starkweather, (R. Tenn.). "When we first heard of the play, we knew we would have a hard time keeping anyone at the convention". "We really had no choice in the matter".
Richard Gerhardt, a spokesman and primary aid to the Republican National Convention,
offered his thoughts on the off limits list. "We knew there would be a problem with the hookers in Times Square, and we have dealt with that". "But a show featuring naked men and boys, singing and dancing, enjoying themselves to no end would just be to great a temptation to Republicans".
The show has a gay theme and is written and performed as a musical. The audience is treated to celebrations of male nudity in comedy, song and dance routines. It has never received a bad review and has played to packed houses for the past 16 years. For the finale, the dancers take off their Bowlers and hang them anatomically.
When members of the RNC's Committee on Arrangements and Decency began to review the list of offerings, the show's title caught their eye, and they demanded that it be removed from the Republican's Website.
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"The Republican Party selected what we felt would best suit our audience", RNC spokesman Leo G. Acyclovir said Wednesday. "We think the Democrats would use it against us during the election debates as a Gay issue, and I think you know how we republicans feel about gays; wink, wink".
A presidential aide in the Bush Administration, Christine Richoli stated, "When I heard about the show, I was all excited". "Imagine having front row seats with 50 naked men dancing for you on stage". "Now imagine not having to put all those single dollar bills in their G-Strings…Wow"!
The show's producer, CarloVitto-Blanco, said the RNC's decision was homophobic and would send the wrong message to their delegates. "I am worried that the GOP may have offended the gay community with this act".
"I am disappointed and saddened by this decision", said Vitto-Blanco. "What is funny though is the number of Congressmen and Senators we have entertained since we first opened". "I guess it OK to see our production on the sly".
One interesting fact remains; before the show was removed from the website, approximately 17,389 tickets were sold during the first three hours reports Showcase Tickets. That's enough tickets to fill the theater 34 times. This reporter wonders if those shows will be attended anyway.