Written by Nailer
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Topics: The Onion

Thursday, 26 November 2009

image for Tears At The Onion

In a shocking announcement that may signal the demise of The Onion, a much respected and prize winning news source; Famed Reporter Area Man has said he is going freelance. Speaking at a news conference that he felt "there were opportunities that he could just not pass up, hence he had reluctantly given his notice to his long time employers."

With tears in his eyes Area said, "I owe it to my wife and kids to get into a less pressure packed environment than existed at a big city media outlet."

When contacted about the departure of Area from the paper its editorial offices issued the following press release:

With great regret we have received the resignation of Area Man, a fixture at the paper for many years. We wish him well in his future endeavors.

The Onion will continue to publish edgy and ground breaking stories revealing the underbelly of society often obscured by the main stream press in other cities.

When asked about replacing Area the editor said they would be adding staff to include Local Chick and Homeless Person among others.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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