In a desperate attempt to save the United States economy and to avoid a worldwide depression that could last for 25 years, the Obama administration has pardoned Bernie Madoff from his prison cell in North Carolina.
"Once Mr. Madoff's ass is taken care of so he can sit in his Monday morning meeting with Gates and Buffett, we have got to get going on reducing this defenciency", stated the President. "There's not going to be ANY free health care or free ink pens at the doctor's office or anything else unless we can pull this economy out of it's tailspin. No offense, Bernie.
The President stated that he was nervous with this idea which originated with Federal Chairman Bernanke but that Bernanke told him, "Who better to rip off as many oil-rich countries to invest trillions of dollars in the United states and then claim we didn't borrow it? That it was a free gift!?"
"Madoff does have all the skills to connect us with all the right sources", stated Obama. "I will also offer him a permanent position on this team, if he succeeds."
When asked if he wasn't worried about Madoff running away with all the money, himself, the President replied:
"Actually, I'm more concerned with Jimmy Buffett than Mr. Madoff."