Written by Adam Click
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Wednesday, 16 December 2009

image for Shuttle Astronaut Makes Unauthorized Burger Run
Captain Randy Bresnik was kind enough to return to the ISS with a sack of burgers for his friends.

Bored and restless, Astronaut Randy Bresnik snuck out of the International Space Station and returned the shuttle to earth just so that he could go to Five Guys Burgers and Fries for a midnight snack.

North American Aerospace Defense Command, better known as NORAD, which was tracking flights in search of Santa Claus, spotted the shuttle immediately after it left the station and followed it to earth, where it was met by F-15 Hornet fighter jets as it entered the atmosphere. The jets escorted the shuttle until it landed.

Officials did not initially approach the craft for fear that some alien life form might have hijacked it. It was only after Bresnik emerged from the shuttle, hailed a taxi and went to his final destination, a Five Guys Restaurant nearby, that they were sure the creature was indeed the missing shuttle astronaut.

Desperate to avoid a scandal, NASA arranged for a secret shuttle launch from Annenberg Air Force Base to get him back to the International Space Station before anyone missed him. The flight from the west coast launch site was later described to the press as a top secret military mission.

Once safely back at the station Bresnik shared his ill-gotten booty with his mates. "The round trip took twenty three hours and cost over $60 million dollars, but it was worth it!." beamed Bresnik. "Those Five Guys, they make some tasty burgers!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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