Written by Rebut
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Topics: Murder, Green

Monday, 23 August 2004

image for Scott Peterson Red Amber Green
"Nuts, why?"

Scott Peterson amazed the jury at his murder trial by doing traffic light impersonations. Red, Amber, Green, Green and Amber then back to Red. It was pursuant to the prosecution playing hours of recordings between him and his mistress Amber Frey on the telephone.

The calls were mesmerising, at once deep and at the same time two lovers desperate to be together. Most of you won't understand them, I've heard my wife and her friends arrange shopping trips so I've grown into this.

Scott is a former fertiliser salesman who is alleged to have murdered his pregnant wife. He allegedly dumped her body in a bay where the police found it in a badly decomposed state.

Surely this proves his innocence. If he knew where it was decomposing and him being a fertiliser salesman it's unthinkable that he would have missed the opportunity to take on supplies.

What many people have missed are Scott (with every bullet so far) Peterson the humanitarian. It has been rumoured that he donated his brain to the Michael Moore Brains Trust. Moore immediately pronounced it "Delicious".

In addition Scott has always been the first to put up his hand and admit that it cannot be pleasent sleeping downwind from a fertilizer salesman. Well used fertiliser salesman, he couldn't quite get his teeth into fresh manure.

Surely most of us can understand how easy it is for someone so steeped in fertiliser to get into shit. It seems to be an occupational hazard which flows...maybe flows is a bit grotesque...but it follows on like night follows day.

So for the jury to get itself worked up over some telephone tapes isn't helping anyone least of all Scott. Yes he may have gotten his hands dirty but this goes back to his job surely.

Seems pointless for everyone to walk around going 'there's a bad smell somewhere' when we know that the man was busy with manure for more years than Scott can remember. Not many since Moore ate his brain but enough.

Apparently Scott has promised that if he should be found not guilty, he will play us a few of his other decompositions, which shows the versatility of the man.

I would go as far as to say that he would make some lovely woman a top husband.....unless he runs out of stock...which could happen to anyone.

They say you can make bombs out of fertilizer and Scott is producing no little explosions. In years to come I dare say they will refer to Scott Peterson as an oderous brain donor and that should be enough for any man.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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