In a trenchant effort to shed honesty on the John Kerry presidential campaign, a newly formed group: "Short, Swift , Snaps for Truth and Honor", has emerged proclaiming that the Senator wears twelve inch lifts in his shoes. Though history, medical records and visual assessments support that the the Senator is indeed six feet four inches, Short, Swift, Snaps for Truth and Honor vigorously insist they know the real facts.
The group, made up of a shoe salesman, four customers, two package wrappers, a stock boy, store manager and a Fed Ex delivery man, have stepped forward saying each witnessed the truth and have signed a statement. Their book will be released tommorow on amazon.com.
"I was there. I saw it happen," said shoe salesman, Zippy K. Rochermellor.
Questioned by the reporter about what he saw, Mr.
Rochermellor continued. "It was late at night. He pulled up in a limousine, walked in five foot four and walked out six foot four. That adds up to a twelve inch shoe lift. And that is just plain dishonest."
Being a vigorous newsman, fired by a Woodward and Bernstein, Watergate, Pulitzer Prize goal in mind, the reporter pursued the questioning. "Were there any surveillance cameras in the store that filmed this transaction?"
"The cameras were off that particular night," said store store manager, Joey I. Snapologer, "but the Pentagon is trying to track it through satellite surveillance." Adding, "Kerry is misrepresenting his height for political reasons to dwarf President Bush."
Asked whether the group were Bush supporters, the ten replied with barbershop quartet harmony, "Who?"
In a telephone conversation with store owner, Mo Q. de Movallors, Mr. Movallors stated there was no record of a purchase of shoe lifts by Senator Kerry.
Confronted with this fact, "Short, Swift, Snaps for Truth and Honor" replied in turn, "It was a cash transaction." "Yeah, no credit cards or records." "Part of his plan of deception." "Like, he could have gotten double flight miles for the purchase." "But that's part of his plan too." "Hey, he thinks he has Air Force One lined up." "Doesn't need flight miles." "What more proof do you want?"
The investigative reporter decided to dig even deeper and pursue the final clue. He visited the Senator's prep school and Yale University. He concluded that yes indeed, there was proof to substantiate the claim of the "Short, Swift, Snaps for Truth and Honor". John Kerry entered St. Paul's five foot four and graduated Yale at six foot four.
The Bush campaign committee is now demanding sit down presidential debates.