Written by Sean Fenley
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Saturday, 21 November 2009

Today a number of self-styled Palinistas (steadfast, unthinking, unfeeling, unwavering partisans for the 'pride' of Wasilla), marched into a brick wall to prove their affinity and affection for their mentally Lilliputian leader. The Palinistas hosted the event for the National Abortion Clinic Bomber's Society, who were also holding a bake sale, and giving away loot bags to passersby at the (soon to be annual) event. The Palinistas said that marching into a brick wall was akin to taking a grenade for their addle-brained leader; and that not only would they march into a brick wall, but they would sashay just about anywhere for their 'rogue' dunderhead. The Palinistas said they looked forward to the day when it would be Sarah, and not an intelligent well spoken, Ivy League graduate who would be signing off on the boondoggles pursued by the United States Federal Government.

Marget Ionesco, who organized the walk into an inanimate, incredibly solid, concrete post, had this to say about a potential forthcoming Palinista (2012) electoral victory, "Just because Sarah cannot speak her native language, nor can she add two and two together, she can sign 'X' on a bill, just about as well as nearly any functional illiterate [or first, second, or third grader] can! And she'll look good while doing it too [in her favorite consignment store clothes from Wasilla, yeah right, it's Bloomies from now on for this moose hunting, caribou babe!]!" Ionesco also suggested that gutting a fish, and serving moose stew on paper plates and napkins were very underrated skills/talents (for a potential presidential candidate), and that all of the voters should seriously consider that when making their decision at the polls in the fall of two-thousand twelve.

Bill Pitts added to Ionesco's servile flattery of the former (less than one term) Governor of Alaska (one of the least populated states in the country; probably one of the least populated territories, states, provinces, or whatever you call it, of all the world's known civilian/pelt trading outposts!), "Just look at Jim Jones' people they were only willing enough to follow him to Guyana, and swallow cyanide spiked sugary beverages to prove their allegiance to his message and system of views. We're just holding this event to prove that we would be willing to go even further, and erase even more human lives in the process of showing of our support for the dearly beloved former [less than one term] Governor of Alaska."

Pitts further clarified his outlook/learned point of view, "I'll tell you why we're raising money for abortion clinic bombers, and it's because although we care for non really existing humans; or what you in the liberal media call fetuses, we are looking to expunge some of the human beings that are walking here and now among us today! These people are not doing the lord's work, nor do they have his celestial authorization to do what it is that they're doing in any way, shape, or form, anyway! So we are simply looking to reign down some divine justice upon them, and their ungodly acts and intentions that they pursue in diablerie's service and in Beelzebub's name!"

Pitts elaborated, "In fact, we agree, at least partially with that no good Coloradan communist professor, Churchill [though we have no idea who Hannah Arendt is, nor do we have any knowledge of what any of her ideas/theories were about either]; who we, of course, protested vehemently against, granting his freedom of speech and tenured intellectual rights [the Constitution is too liberal and should be significantly amended, either that or scrapped completely in favor of fiat rule by a strong authoritarian father figure; if she's a babe we'll except a mother figure like our beloved Caribou Sarah!]. If I were to tell you the absolute God's honest truth, however; we agree with the guy, that Churchill feller, except for one minor peccadillo; it's that we believe that the Eichmanns are the liberals, the Democrats, the dark skinned races and people, and the RINO's (Republicans In Name Only) within the ranks of our own Republican cadre!"

Randall Forestal, also in attendance at the event, holding up a sign calling for unity among the venerable fraternal order of all the world's moose hunters, issued reporters on the scene some incisive comments, "We would never, ever even think to 'go rogue', though we know that dearest Sarah did it; if you understand why she did it, then you'll know why it was acceptable! The liberal John McCain's pinko, liberal advisory and spokes nancy people told her just to do what it is that they were sayin', for her agenda, in campaigning for John Mickey Mouse, er Joy McCain! I say her agenda, but it was really thur agenda, cooked up down thur in that thur Were-shington, you know the gay one [agenda]!"

Forestal further enlightened reporters attending the event about the Mulderian-like 'conspiracy', "As I was sayin', liberal city slicker wussies! McCain's nancy boys, his weak kneed nancy boy spokes critters told her just to follow their wimpy orders that they were givin' 'er; and that she had to take 'um, and that she ought to like takin' 'um too! They were fixin' for her to be a puppet of that Democrat in Republican's clothin', the morally disreputable John McCain [he once even condemned the good God fearing Christians of the internationally celebrated, revered, respected, and renowned Robert Jones University]! Everyone knows that McCain stole them nominations from Duncan Howser, and that thur TV lawe-YER Fred Thomas! Maybe if we'd nominated one of them limp wristed Hollywood types, that coulda been good fer us along the way! The liberal fix was in to give us die-hard far right-wingers, a phony conservative like Mickey Mouse er whatcha call him Joy McCain? I call him Joy McLiberal, actually (well that or Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse McCain) but you can call him whatever you city slickers in the liberal media choose ta call him by, ok!"

Forestal furthered his insights into the purpose for the festive gala/event, "We will stay loyal literally until the end, and until if and when it kills us! We, of course, intend our loyalty for Sarah to lead to mass killings of a wide variety of innocent human souls! In fact, probably only second to Sarah, is our love for my particular boyhood idol, the honorable Senator Joseph McCarthy from the great state of Wisconsin! Not that old Joe Mc-C ever killed anyone, but I'm sure he would have loved for some commie nancy boys to be tortured down there at that thur Git-tanamo Bay! Git-er-done, Git-er-done old Joe Mc-C woulda said! While torturin' them communist limp wristed, nancies! Hell ya! That woulda been the ticket McCarthy/Palin or Palin/Mc-C; hey that's kind of like Lennon and McCartney or McCartney/Lennon [who were peaceniks that we hate, but, nevertheless, they surely had that somethin' special that you just can't quite put your finger on!]!"

The event/jolly good free for all, ended with only about 10-15 casualties, and merely one to two near death experiences! All in all, nothing to write home about, or that it's too necessary to get very worked up about (at all/whatsoever)! A woman with a limp will now be driving around one of those motorized vehicles for the rest of her livin' days, and an elderly gentleman with a hip replacement can now kiss that particular faux appendage goodbye! But it was all in good fun and fund raising for the National Abortion Clinic Bomber's Society, and free t-shirts, chicken, and foam fingers were had by all who were in attendance at the Ku Klux Klan-esque lynching er political event.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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