Brussels - (Hustings): Low-budget Belgian Prime Monster, Herman Van Ron Paul, first cousin once-removed to the famous Texan statesman, slid to a massive EU presidential victory this week.
Van Ron Paul stormed into Pole position after a 50m zloty EU deal removed some tedious obstacles such as an actual election.
"His meteoric rise to prominence is a, ahem, a testament," Belgian federalist sources commented, "...to enlightened policies of planting KGB sleepers in ludicrously self-important positions of power."
A toothy UK gopher, Baroness Hash-Brown, was shoehorned in as his Veep after promising to undergo surgery for the removal of some unphotogenic ligature marks from her scrawny red neck.
Van Ron Paul hopes to emulate his Texan cousin's flagship American Sovereignty Restoration Act of 2009 policies with the removal of the EU from the United Nations.
Eradication of NATO membership will then follow.