Written by Weigand
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Topics: Writing, species

Saturday, 21 August 2004

image for Spoof writer meets girl, writing degenerates
Preparation

In an unprecedented upset yesterday a spoof writer, Maximus, met a girl. While the occasional meeting with a member of the female species is not a rare occurance for anybody, the writer peformed a feat of daring he had never before attempted: talking to the aforementioned individual.

This led to that and tit to tat and the spoof writer actually managed to get the female to agree to a dinner date on Saturday. How this was managed has not been discovered but let it be known that spoof writers rarely achieve such a magnificent victory over their stutters.

After thanking the girl for her time and blowing his nose into his pocket handkerchief that his mother gave him, Maximus sped home to vomit uncontrollably into a toilet and check his blood pressure. His pulse was steady but his heart rate was very high.

As a result of all this commotion the writer was too distracted to write his biweekly spoof article and simply drummed up something he had written in advanced comp his freshman year of High school. The quality of this article was so poor that the on the rating scale it received a -2 stars. This is his lowest score to date and his loyal fans were outraged. After looking in the mirror and sneezing violently upon it Maximus cried himself to sleep.

Next morning, the writer spiffed himself up as best he could and purchased a brand new pair of glasses with no tape or anything, applied a generous dose of aftershave (despite his lack of facial hair to shave,) and turned off his computer (to avoid distraction.)

After brushing his teeth and trimming his eyebrow the writer dashed out the door to commandeer his bicycle with utmost alacrity. Realizing he had forgotten his pants, however, our hero had to head back inside and reevaluate his plans. Almost freaking out upon seeing his computer turned off, the unfortunate fellow remembered having turned it off and again began to reevaluate his plans.

Having a panic attack and searching violently for his inhaler, Maximus gave up his evening of small talk and nausea in favor for another all-nighter with his real true love: his computer.

At least she doesn't have eyes to bat. That's distracting. grlh8r_376 frags l33t5k177z154 again!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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