A lesbian ghost has been spooking the small town of Dyersburg, Tenn. and the locals in the area create a posse to hunt down the specter.
Bubba Jones the leader of the posse says the lesbian ghost has been terrifying women in Dyersburg for the last three months.
Matilda Jones the daughter of the local preacher said, "I was showering one night and the lesbian ghost floated into the shower and started touching me.' 'I screamed and slipped on some soap but I managed to run out of the shower to call my pa.'"
There were other reports of women being harassed by the lesbian ghost as they used the bathroom. The local authorities said they didn't have a legal solution for such occurrences and decided to leave it up to the good old boy posse to handle the situation.
Bubba Jones said he led the posse into the forest on Monday while using hound dogs to track down the lesbian ghost. The dogs were given a piece of stale, stinky cod fish to sniff so they could pick up the scent of the lesbian ghost.
During the hunt for the lesbian ghost, things went wrong and the expedition had to be canceled.
Dexter Jones and Billy Bob Jones, not related to Bubba Jones, said they were the first ones to arrive on the scene when the dogs cornered off the lesbian ghost.
She was floating in mid air with her back turned to Dexter when he approached her with a large hunting knife and he plunged it into her throat. Dexter says, "I stabbed the dam thing as hard as I could but my knife went right through her, like nothing.' 'The force was so great that my knife got logged into the tree she was floating next too."'
Billy Bob said the specter vanished in mid air and then reappeared a few feet away from Dexter. Billy says he took his shot gun and shot the lesbian ghost in the face. The head disappeared but then it materialized again and she let out a loud shriek that was horrifying before it floated backwards into the forest mist.
Billy Bob says, "Man, I was so dam scared after seeing that lesbian ghost get the best of us.' 'I dropped my shot gun and took off running, yelling for Bubba's help.' 'Dexter was just a few feet behind me running for his life.'"
Bubba Jones said he fixed the problem by calling "The Society For Paranormal Investigation" also referred too as "SPI".
SPI quickly understood the problem because of previous cases. They used a naked virgin woman on a horse to lead the lesbian ghost out of town. Then they put up a large cross smeared in menstrual blood to keep the specter out of the town for good.