Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Survivor

Monday, 16 November 2009

image for Survivor Samoa: "It Does Not Effen Taste Like Chicken, It's A Friggin' Rat!"
Ancient Samoan carvings which strangely resemble Gumby (L) and Sponge Bob Square Pants (R).

OPOLU ISLAND, Samoa - The petite, bikini-clad Southern gal Natalie hunts, stalks, traps and finally shoots a raging rat. The others see it as a varmint, but Natty the Belle of the South sees it as dinner.

And although not quite in the Big Mac league it does have something that is vital to survival; carbohydrates, riboflavin, that distinctive chicken taste, and 218 calories.

Natalie shares her hors d'oeuvre with Jaison who says that once you get past the hair, the smell, and the fact that it's a mother effen damn rat, it really ain't too bad.

Mick who was given a little piece by Jaison said that it did not effen taste like chicken and that it was a friggin' rat for goodness sake.

Shambo reveals that she is acting somewhat testy, ornery, and bitchy because she is having hormone problems.

She points out that she forgot to pack her hormone pills and as a result her estrogen level has gone down so far that she has begun to look at the legs of the other females such as Kelly, Laura, and Monica with lust in her heart, eroticism in her brain, and volcanic like rumblings in the gusset of her underwear.

She confides to Natalie that she is really starting to look somewhat on the highly delicious side to her.

Natalie asks if she finds her hot looking. Shambo replies that not only does she find her extremely hot looking but right now as she speaks she is having some major hot flashes in her general crotch region that are so hot that she could literally pop popcorn in her panties.

The two teams Foa Foa and Galu decide to get every one's mind off of Shambo's lesbian-like thoughts by playing a board game.

Russell finds a board and Mick and Jaison and the others gather up sticks and stones, and pieces of dead frogs and they make up a facsimile of the game Pictionary.

After about two hours of playing Pictionary, the Foa Foa team wins. Shambo asks Natalie if she can kiss her and Natalie says only if she wants to get her lips bitten off, her nose knocked off into her belly button, and her tongue pulled completely out and fed to a homeless family of rodents.

Shambo thinks for a moment and then decides to go off into the jungle to play 'underwear solitaire.'

Kelly Sharbaugh was later sent packing back home to West Hollywood by a vote of 4 to 0.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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