Written by Gail Farrelly
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Sunday, 15 November 2009

image for Barnes & Noble Sued By Thomas' English Muffins Over Nooks
Let the battle begin!

"NOOKS as well as CRANNIES are words that belong to us," a Thomas' English Muffin Man indignantly complained. "From time immemorial, everyone knows that it's Thomas' English Muffins that owns the word 'Nook.' It's an outrage that Barnes & Noble would dare confiscate one of our words for their stupid little electronic reader. We intend to defend our rights in court."

Customers thinking about buying an electronic reader are left to wonder how original the Nook could be, if the sellers can't even come up with an original name. "Since I was a little kid," a prospective buyer whined, "nooks are those little things in my English Muffins. They are not, I repeat not, something I hold in my hand to read a book on." Saying "I just can't handle this," she wiped away a tear as she indicated that she'd be ordering herself an Amazon Kindle. "At least Amazon didn't tamper with my Thomas' English Muffins," she added, as a parting shot.

Barry Barrister of Barry's Breakfast Nooks has said that his company may possibly sue Barnes & Noble as well. According to Barrister, "A Nook is a place where you eat breakfast and begin your day. That's it, Finito, nothing else has a right to that word. It's already taken."

Meanwhile, another Thomas' English Muffin Man is already worrying about future 'thefts' by Barnes & Noble. "Next they'll be opting the word 'crannies' for one of their ridiculous products. Let them use 'grannies' or something else. But they'd better keep their slimy hands off our Nooks AND our Crannies. Or be ready to deal with the consequences."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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