Written by CamoDude
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Topics: England, water

Wednesday, 18 August 2004

image for Lynndie England Has Child In Court; DNA Tests Reveal It's Saddam's Child
Private First Class, Lynndie England, pictured above demonstrating various bondage techniques that she used on Saddam.

FORT BRAGG, NORTH CAROLINA-- A shocking twist was added to the court martial hearing of Private First Class Lynndie England today. Just as she was approaching the witness stand, an eight month pregnant England slammed to the floor and her water broke flowing all over the courtroom floor. A successful delivery of an eight pound, half Caucasian, half middle eastern origin, baby boy ensued.

After the Private First Class recovered, she started weeping softly to herself. A reporter asked her what was wrong and hear is what she had to say. "I.... I..I think it might be Saddam's," the PFC cried. Mixed feelings and emotions flooded the courtroom and the judge had to restore order.

A DNA paternity test was later given to Saddam in his jail cell in Iraq. Indeed it was a match. A follow up interview was given to Lynndie in her holding cell and hears what happened from her account.

"Yes, yes, it's true me and Saddam had sexual relations in and outside of the Abu Gharib prison," she said crying to herself. "You see it's a little known fact that Saddam was held in the Abu Gharib prison for sometime; the government was just covering it up." "The picture of me smoking the cigarette and pointing at some male's genitalia, yeah that's me after me and Saddam had intercourse."

"I guess that explains it all then, the clamps on penises, the hoods, the leashes, the dogs, you soldiers just had one big bondage orgy going on in that prison or should I say dungeon, correct?" asked the reporter.

"That's what I've been trying to tell everyone," England explained. "There was no abuse going on; it was strictly all consensual." "It just got a little out of hand." "You know with the the pictures and the whole media thing and all."

Some religious activists aren't taking this news so well. Some are saying that it's the end of the world because England has just spawned the antichrist. Others are saying that this child might be some kind of demon child like on that movie The Omen.

As of presstime, Saddam was contacted about the news and he refuses to pay child support even if it is his. He explained how he already has 29 wives and a numerous amount of children he is already paying child support for.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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