Tokyo - (Ebola Gay!): Japanese comfort women were ministering to his every need this weekend as President Obama recovered from a deep, grovelling bow before Emperor Aki Shit-Ho and his gargoyle fossil spouse.
Obama is on the first leg of a four day Oriental legover trip having left wife Michelle and daughters Sasha and Malia back home in DC.
The televised act of obeisance before Japan's puppet emperor has been dubbed a disgrace among Democrat stalwarts.
"First Lady Bess Truman would have had Barack whorsewhipped!" sources close to the Presidential Library & Museum at Independence, Missouri said today
But White House minders were having none of it and quickly quashed rumors the trip is a routine chance for the President to get some much needed foreign nooky.
"Besides, Michelle's got the chastity ring remote decoder," a security detail minder admitted.
"So, no surprise presidential election this weekend," Radio Kawasaki news reports concurred.