CHICAGO - Due to the economic situation not getting any better Chicago's television station KUTT, Channel 50, has announced that effective immediately it will be eliminating its two long time weathercasters.
Station Manager Percival Davidoffer said that KUTT had no choice but to terminate their two weathercasters, weeknight weathercaster Jamison "Light Drizzle " Higley and weekend weathercaster Alexis "Cold Front" Maxtone.
Davidoffer said that this trend is sadly starting to become the norm in many of the nation's larger markets. He predicts that by next Valentine's Day every TV weathercaster in the United States will be terminated.
The economic situation has taken its toll on the auto industry, the banking industry, the newspaper industry, and now the electronic media industry.
In smaller markets the weathercasters usually make around $16,000 a year. Whereas in larger markets like Los Angeles, New York City, or Chicago, the weathercasters can make from $500,000 up to $2 million a year.
As a result the weathercasting duties will now be handled by the station's sports anchor. The weather reports are already starting to sound a little bit different.
For example one Los Angels sports anchor said, "We can expect rainstorms to dump around two inches of rain right around the time that our world champion Los Angeles Lakers are tipping off against the Denver Nuggets."
A sportscaster in Cleveland, Ohio reported "When the Orlando Magic land at Cleveland's LeBron James Airport, we will be having light snow flurries. And as the Magics team bus makes its way to the hotel the temperature will drop down into the mid 20s."
And an east coast sportscaster said "When the New York Jets take the field against the New England Patriots, it will be very windy with temperatures dipping into the low teens.
Women are urged to hold down their dresses or they will certainly be giving the men around them quite a show, if you get my drift.
And speaking of drifts, tomorrow when the New York Giants entertain the Houston Texans there is going to be snow all over the darn place.
So, I strongly urge everyone to break out their heavy coats except of course for the one or two idiots in the freezing stadium stands who like to show off by taking off their shirts and sitting there bare chested while everyone else around them is dressed like Eskimos."
In unrelated news. Close family members of Dick Cheney are starting to get concerned and extremely worried. It seems that the former vice-president has not made an anti-Obama remark in at least two hours. The family is very upset and feels that he may have been kidnapped.