Months of worry and speculation have finally come to an end as California Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger has been discovered wandering aimlessly in Texas, where, coincidentally, many reports of a mysterious "Urinator" have surfaced.
Schwartzenegger was reported missing from the Governor's mansion this past May when he said he was going out for a pizza, and was last seen heading north on California's Highway 1, after which he seemingly disappeared from the face of the earth. His empty Humvee was found near the beach at Big Sur, along with four pounds of rotting Wienerschnitzel and eleven empty kegs of Budweiser beer..
At around the same time, reports of weird occurrences started flooding local police offices in areas moving gradually East. Concerned citizens reported hearing very loud "animal-like" noises at night, and in the morning they found large areas of their yards covered in red, white, and blue foam smelling strongly of urine mixed with beer.
Janetta Phintwit , who lives in Cactusbugger, Nevada, reports being "terrified" to step outside her door for days. "All I could think of was that we had been attacked by those terrorist people", she said. After being holed up in her own home for two days she ventured out, only to discover that the entire house was dripping with white foam and patriotic colors resembling the American flag. "The neighbors said they hadn't heard a thing", she insisted.
Farther East , in a trailer park in Big Bunghole, Texas, 55-year old Mary Sue Bob Lumpnuggets told investigators that she thought she was having a dream when she smelled a faint beer-like odor. "I wuz a-nappin' in the 57 Chevy on the concrete blocks over there when I thunk I'd a-died and gone to Heaven the smell was so overpowerin' and wonderful". As it turned out, however, "The Urinator" had struck again, covering Mrs. Lumpnuggets' trailer in filtered-through-the-kidneys beer foam decorated to look like the American flag.
Authorities were stymied for months and had no clue who would do such a thing until Thursday evening when Mr. Daniel Sue Bob "Booba" Shigella caught "The Urinator" in the act in his pasture, covering grazing cows with foamy pee and decorating them with red and blue stripes. "Ah wuz done surprizeded when I came upon the fella!. He wuz a-drinkin' lots o' beer and peein' all over the danged cows", Shigella exclaimed. "Had his drawers down at his knees, he did. Just a peein' and drinkin'. I wuz even more surprizeded when I seen that it was that Arnold Swarzenagger fella from Hollywood. Hot dog!"
Shigella quickly called Sheriffs, who raced to the scene and apprehended Governer Schwartzenegger before he could get away.
Upon questioning, the Governor could not explain what had driven him to pee his way nearly across the country.
He did, however, say that he was grateful to be an American and that he fully supports whatever George Bush says and does. His last words, spoken as he was being dragged away in handcuffs: "Ah'll be bahk!"