Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 12 November 2009

image for Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan To Buy Manchester United
Sir Paul McCartney Stadium in Manchester which Manchester United uses as a practice field.

LONDON - Two of Great Britain's richest blokes (guys) have expressed a strong interest in buying one of the most popular football teams in United Kingdom history, The Manchester United Red Devils.

Simon Cowell, founder and CEO of 19th Hole Productions and Piers Morgan, president of the Chirpy Chap Corporation have announced the formation of a sports conglomerate that they have named SiPi Inc.

The name SiPi, (pronounced SIPPY) comes from the Si in Simon and the Pi in Piers. Morgan initially wanted to name the company using his first names first two letters followed by Cowell's first names first two letters. But PiSi just did not seem to have the same ring as SiPi does; plus like one of Morgan's assistants Gillian Bedfordshire pointed out, the name PiSi sounds like an adverb for the word piss.

Morgan thought about it and realized that Gillian was certainly correct. He gave her a kiss on the mouth, a pat on her arse, and a 40 pound gift certificate to Fishy Chipper's Fish & Chips 24-Hour Diner located in Upper Tooting.

Cowell told The London Hand-Held Daily Mirror that he has spoken to Manchester United's owner Malcolm Irving Glazer and at first he was somewhat hesitant to sell but once Simon showed him the picture of the armored truck and the money that was inside it he decided to change his mind.

Red Devil's manager, Alex Ferguson is concerned that Cowell and Morgan may be thinking about moving the team to another city such as north to Oswaldtwistle or south to Knutsford both towns that have expressed tremendous interest in acquiring the Red Devils.

When Simon was informed of Ferguson's concern he replied that his concern did have merit but that Fergy need not worry since the team would be staying put in Manchester.

Meanwhile when Piers Morgan was told about Alex Ferguson's concern he replied, "And well he should be. I didn't get to be one of the richest men in the United Kingdom because I look damn spiffy fine in a suit, now did I?"

When asked if he would consider moving the team he replied that he bloody well would if it meant that he and his pal Simon would have more pounds (dollars) flowing into their bloomin' blimey pockets. He then said, "My goodness it just stands to reason dunnit?"

SIDENOTE: Ferguson can calm down as Simon Cowell's and Piers Morgan's company SiPi has announced that they are planning on replacing Old Trafford Stadium which holds 76,212 fans with The New Old Trafford Stadium which will hold 176,000 fans.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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