WASHINGTON Presidential candidate Ralph Nader announced today that he would be teaming up with bin Laden's Al Qeda group in the hopes that he could force himself onto the ballots in all 50 states.
Nader stated that the Democrat Party had been using "dirty tricks reminessicent of Nixon" to keep him off the ballots, but after seeing the success of Al Qeda in affecting elections in Spain, he knows he can get on the ballots and in the debates.
Nader's plans include kidnapping top Democrats, including Terry McCauliffe, and holding them hostage until the Democrat Party stops questioning his ballot initiatives and allows his name on all 50 states ballots. The kidnapping of the Dixie Chicks was ruled out because no one in either the Al Qeda or Nader camps could stand their music, but the "Boss" Springstien was said to also be a primary target.
John Kerry, while sailboarding in the Utah Salt Flats this morning, said that he was against Nader's plan, but later on this afternoon he stated that he supported the "right of Naderites" to participate in the election. His running mate, John Edwards, stated that if Nader continued down this course, he would unleash the rath of the trial lawyers against Nader and tie him up in court for the next 20 years.
President George Bush immediately launched a nuclear strike against Nader headquarters in Spokane, Washington.
Libertarian candidate Michael Badnarik was reached for comment and stated "Damn why didn't I think of that!".
Al Gore stated that he believes Nader has the ability since "he sure through a bomb into my hopes in 2000".
Michael Moore could not be reached for comment since he was making a new documentary proving that Santa Claus is in fact real.
The FBI and the Secret Service issued a joint warning for "young men of middle east descent driving Corvairs" as possible terrorist suspects and that special attention should be given if people of this description show up at any corporate offices where John Kerry may be meeting. It is believed that the terrorists driving the Corvairs are on a terrorist mission from Nader.