Officials of the Internal Revenue Service were performing a required audit on the income of the President of the United States (required under the Election Reform Act of 1987). While checking Barack Hussein Obama's tax returns from the late 1990's, they discovered a receipt that was originally listed under capital gains income.
On the small piece of paper, it said that Mr. Obama would receive ten million dollars and any political position desired in exchange for his soul. The form was signed by both Barack Obama and a person identified by their signature as Lucifer, Son of the Morning.
The White House Press Secretary said that they were not familiar with the receipt, but that Mr. Lucifer was a frequent guest of the President and that "they shared a cordial and professional friendship and relationship>
Lucifer, who has also gone by the name of Satan, the Devil, Baal, and Mephistopholes, could not be reached for comment (though several messages were left at his offices in Chicago at HARPO productions and at his residence in San Francisco). Additionally, officials at ACORN said that they had not seen him this week at their monthly board meetings, but would leave a message on his voice mail.
In a related story, rumors cannot be confirmed that President Obama intends to rename the Pentagon in The Pentagram and change it into a massive complex to administer the armies of darkness.