(New York, NY) The world is about to end, according to those who follow numerology. The Apocalypse may occur on 11/11 if the price of gold touches $1,111.11 an ounce at exactly 11:11:11 EST. If this does happen, everyone in the world will immediately drop dead.
"There is only an 11% of this happening at exactly 11:11:11." said Evlyn Eleven. Ms. Eleven is a self-proclaimed mystic and numerologist. She says the number eleven is always a harbinger of doom.
"It is God's way of letting us know that He is here. Plus, it looks kind of spooky when you right it down. It has to mean something." she said.
Me. Eleven, who has eleven letters in her name, says God likes to play dice with the Universe.
"He loves doing things like this, how else could it happen?" she asked. "God loves synchronicity, it's His way of winning. He must be bored." she said.
Ms. Eleven wanted to apologise for the short notice about the impending Apocalypse. She plans to watch the gold market over the next day to see what happens.
"There's nothing anyone can do anyway." she said sadly. "If it happens, just pucker up and kiss your ass good-bye."