Written by Andy Lam

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Monday, 16 August 2004

image for Bush Experiences Good Vibrations
Mr. Bush receiving a

San Francisco, CA - During a campaign stop in San Francisco, President Bush spent nearly an hour examining and admiring a wide variety of ersatz penises. A campaign event had been scheduled at the Jack Hanley Gallery, located at 389 Valencia Street, but error by his advance team led the President to 603 Valencia Street, the home of Good Vibrations, a store specializing in sex toys and erotica.

When the President and his entourage descended on the store, everyone - from the clerks to the customers to the Secret Service to the President himself - seemed surprised. The President's aides realized the error immediately but were unable to persuade Mr. Bush that a mistake had been made.

Mr. Bush appeared to be enjoying himself immensely and handled the situation with his usual aplomb. Stroking his chin thoughtfully, the President, assuming the wide variety of merchandise were part of an art exhibit, examined each one carefully. "I guess I'm not so up on this modern art stuff," laughed the President at one point, eying a particularly large dildo, "this stuff is really more Laura's department." Mr. Bush was referring to First Lady Laura Bush's commitment to the arts.

Indeed, the idea of visiting an independent gallery in one of America's most avant-garde cities came from Mrs. Bush, who felt it would help to broaden her husband's appeal. "I think too many people have too shallow a view of Georgie," said the First Lady when explaining her idea, "They see him either as a cowboy or a frat boy and I though he could benefit from showing an appreciation for the arts. To be honest though, this isn't what I had in mind."

Joani Blank, the founder of Good Vibrations, was pleased to hear of the President's visit to her store. "I don't think it will effect whom I will support in November," said Ms. Blank, "but I am impressed that the President took the time to come by and really examine our merchandise - it isn't something I would have expected from him."

After making several purchases and promising to send Earl A. Powell III, the director of the National Gallery of Art to discuss a possible exhibit exchange, Mr. Bush left the store to attend an evangelical fundraiser in Contra Costa County.

As has so often been the case during this campaign, following the President's departure, staffers warned the media that they were not to report on this event.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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