James and Charlotte Hampton were among native New Yorkers and tourists visiting the city who narrowly missed being crushed by a three by four foot block of iced shit that hit and smashed a street near Washington Square yesterday.
The Hamptons were visiting New York for the first time and told reporters that they were so startled that they could not find the strength to run away.
"We just stood there even more goggle-eyed than when we were looking at the tall buildings", stated Charlotte. "Then that poor drunk walked right into it and said "Scuse me, Bud" and wandered around it and over to a park bench to lay down.
James then stated that he was so scared that he made the matter worse by adding his share to the shit collection only that he "tried to keep it to myself".
Soon police arrived and the park faithful scattered. Asking if anyone was hurt, everyone said no but most were pretty well shook up physically as well as emotionally, as the block of crap shook the whole immediate area and blasted a three-inch deep hole in the sidewalk.
An investigation showed that a plane had wandered a little astray while arriving at Laguardia Airport and it's believed that that was why Washington Square Park had received the big bird's dropping.
"At least it missed any of the many statues", laughed one officer.
Meanwhile, the visiting couple from Johnson's Hole, Alabama were making the rounds on TV.
"You come to New York, you expect to see prostitutes on the street, but not a big block of shit", stated James Hampton on ABC News, after he had cleaned himself up and put on new clothes for the camera.
"Better change that to 'crap'," advised a director.