DALLAS - Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones reported that he has just been informed by the president of the construction company that built his new state-of-the-art $1.15 billion stadium that it will probably have to be torn down.
Ian Poundsworth, CEO and President of The Poundsworth, Poundsworth, & Poundsworth Construction Company, said that his chief engineer Stanley Buckholz told him that when he went to the restroom at the last Cowboys home game he noticed that the urinal he used had a hairline crack at the point where the piss hits the pink tablet and goes down into the drain.
Buckholz said that he did not return to his seat until he had visually inspected each one of the 2,942 urinals found throughout Cowboys Stadium.
He noted that of the 2,942 urinals, a total of 1,479, which is more than half, had the exact same hairline fracture as the first one he noted.
Buckholz said that this figure is way higher than the number of flawed urinals that the Texas State Department of Restroom Fixtures will allow, which in this case is 17.
P.P. & P. CEO and President Ian Poundsworth said that he has informed Cowboys owner Jerry Jones in person, through email, text messaging, a phone call, and a notarized letter of the fact that his brand new $1.15 billion stadium will have to be demolished and rebuilt.
Poundsworth said that when he told Jones in person, Mr. Jones literally hit the roof, much in the same way that some of the visiting punters have hit his new, somewhat low-hanging, $30 million scoreboard.
Jones asked Poundsworth if the demolition could wait until the end of the season. Poundsworth informed him that his corporate attorney Raul Chupadero, of the highly reputable Fort Worth law firm of Miyagami, Rollatini, Van Rooten, & Chupadero, had told him that once the Texas State Department of Restroom Fixtures becomes aware of the flaw they will begin implementing a fine of $100,000 per day, for each day that the violation is not remedied.
Jones has not responded to Mr. Poundsworth's information and reports are that the Cowboys owner is presently secluded in a somewhat state of despair, depression, and disarray in his $17 million vacation home high in the Swiss Alps.